Sunday, 13 December 2009

  • pause.

    ever got so lost in your thoughts that you lost track of time?

    i only ever do that when i'm by myself. perhaps it's the only time i let my guard down, and the only time i let my thoughts consume my mind. i become some sort of living shell just sitting there for hours without doing a single thing. as much as i hate wasting time like this, i realized that this form of self detachment became a necessary routine in my life.

    i've realized that in order to function properly, i needed to first clear the cluttered thoughts in my head. i learned this the hard way. i used to leave them to frolic on their own, but eventually they always crept up on me when i least expected them to. and when they do, my life goes haywire. my marks plummet, my social life gets abandoned, and i lock myself in a room.

    something happened yesterday that triggered certain memories i would like to never relive. however, they did resurface and i was once again consumed by my own fears and anxiety. i couldn't concentrate on anything at all - and for some reason i repeatedly did mindless activities, like checking my email over and over again, constantly opening and closing the fridge, and letting songs blast in my ear drums so that maybe, just maybe they could drown out the pounding thoughts in my head that wouldn't stop screaming.

    i glanced at the clock, it was seven in the morning already. i closed my eyes simply because they couldn't open on their own anymore .. and even then i continued to lie awake as the sun slowly peeked through the curtains.

    when i awoke from a state of unconsciousness i dare not call sleep, i took a shower. what a safe haven it was for me.

    i was never good at telling apart my tears from the water streaming down my face.

    nor did i want to be.


Thursday, 10 December 2009

  • hired.

    i'm going to be blackberried.
    thank you for all your good lucks beforehand. each one of them definitely helped. (:

    now i need to find housing, and i'll get to have a car cause the office is moving to another city midway. yay! time to brush up on my winter driving skills. haha. i haven't driven in a good year. hopefully i won't do a 360 on the road.


    (excited for january. )


Wednesday, 09 December 2009

  • interview.

    so i have an interview tomorrow and i'm totally not ready. tomorrow's also the day before my first final, and i'm currently not doing so well in that course either, so i really hope taking time out of studying to prep for it is well worth it.

    i'm nervous.

    on a completely unrelated note, i really like owl city's song called on the wing. the lyrics are so cute.




    "breathe.
    and i'll carry you away into the velvet sky
    and we'll stir the stars around
    and watch them fall into the hudson bay."


Wednesday, 02 December 2009

  • different.

    i always felt like i was just a little different.

    perhaps it is my ego talking, or it's just inherent in human nature that we all like to think we're different, that we're unique.

    is it my own inability to accept other people's opinions that makes me feel as though no one can truly understand how i feel? a million questions run through my head, but i am never satisfied with the answers i get from other people. perhaps it's because i've thought about the million different answers already, and none satisfy my thirst enough to make for closure. i need to talk to someone older, someone mature, someone who has gone through the ordeals life has thrown at them and emerged victorious.


Thursday, 26 November 2009

  • <3.

    hey everyone. :D

    so i got second for the contest, and i also got a month of premium!

    i would like to extend a big thank you for voting for me. (: i know who you are, and you know who you are. and for those who read my story, i actually ended up getting full grades for participation. YAY.

    thanks so much again. love you alll!